


Smuppets: Tangle Buddy Edition or The Ballad of Bro Strider

by Meteors



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bro - Freeform, Feferi - Freeform, Horrorterror, Love, Lusus, Smuppets, retardation of a fish specific variety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-11
Updated: 2011-05-11
Packaged: 2017-10-19 06:14:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/197840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meteors/pseuds/Meteors
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Has Bro finally found true love in a single mother looking to build a stable relationship for her charge?</p><p>Author's note: By single mother I am referring to an ungodly creature whose very presence causes the hounds of insanity to run rampant in the minds of mortal beings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smuppets: Tangle Buddy Edition or The Ballad of Bro Strider

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in like half an hour one day. Felt like posting it. As you can tell this is SERIOUS ROMANCE and I SHIP THE FUCK OUT OF THIS and if you don't believe me, you can GO TO HELL. Also, as a note, I wrote this before we found out Kanaya comes back as a Rainbowdrinker.

**CHAPTER ONE: DOWN SYNDROME ONLY WITH TROLLS aka BRO GETS A BITCH**

"Hey there Dave Lusus, what are you doing? You seem kind of bored!" The late Empress to be said poking Bro in the shoulder. She stood with a vacant cross-eyed stupor for the span of seven minutes and proceeded to peck the ever loving Christ out of the human's shoulder. He remained unmoving and hunched over his computer screen for an additional ten minutes and his head slowly turned around at a 180 degree angle.

Bro's bitching shades reflected the rays of mental retardation flying from Feferi's face back at her and her face slowly assumed the "Derp" formation she seemed to like to put on whenever she died or went more than a day without someone reminding her to use the bathroom. With some manner of witchcraft and badass ninjitsu, Bro stole Feferi's goggles and placed over his shades and shrugged.

"Yo gurl." He said in an eerie monotone. "Just wearing my goggles and finding hot bitches on the internet. On Human Earth we call this the cock market. You buy and sell shares of sluts. If you get them all you win." He followed this with a sagely nod as his fingers continued to type on the ghostly keyboard as his head remained behind him.

Feferi nodded as if she understood. "Well that's real glubbing cool and I didn't understand that at all really because it sounds just like the Alternian practice of finding someone to fill your pail! Listen, If I can help you do this can you show me and Kanaya a new game? Your last one isn't very fun. We broke Tavros' legs so we can't BOTH play Ride the Slow Kid Like a Special Bucking Bronco!" She seemed to pout and stamped her tiny fishy foot and let out a depressed glub. "Now we can't include Tavros in our merriment and he'll be said!"

It was around this time Kanaya arrived while riding the legs of Tavros Nitram. One of the knees was bent inward but it was still hopping and bucking along like usual. "Feferi, do not worry." The socially retarded virgin said bringing the legs to a stop. "I was able to stitch the leg back on somewhat. Our recreation can commence." She kipped the legs again and rode over to the computer and crossed her arms. "Busy, Dave's Lusus?"

"I was just talking shit with the other half of the pride parade." Bro said clicking the ass of his Smuppet Mouse. "Bout to teach her, I'm guessing she's the twink right, a new game in sexchange for some fine bitches to make me more money."

Kanaya frowned and closed her eyes. This was a tell-tale sign of her readying one of her smug buzzkill comments. "Mr. Strider, money is no longer and object, especially in the current state of existence we are i-" Only squeaks came after that. A smuppet had found its way into her mouth signifying strike one. If she ran her mouth again, she would soon find one in her ear and upon the third strike, she would be forced to be the computer chair. One would think she would have learned after the other 12 strikes against her.

"Smuppets has gotta live forever like a phoenix from the flames or some shit. My fucking babies are gonna fly through the air on molten wings cawing out objections and shit until the end of time from death and beyond." The eldest Strider then let out a sigh. "And no offense, but no one would wanna see either of your fatasses on my classy programmes. I'm not running a fucking fat farm ladies. I gotta look elsewhere."

Before Feferi could get her fins in a bunch about the 413th fat joke upon dying, Kanaya spit out the plush rump in her mouth and leaned over and whispered something. Offended she was not called the twink, her horrendous cranial sponge set out to concoct a devlish ploy.

"Oh...oh! Ok!" Feferi said stepping over to Bro. She winked at Kanaya and smiled a toothy...er...fangy grin at the human. "Say, I know of a really hot specimen for you!" She said attempting to hold back her excitement. "Here let me just open up Plentyofglubs.com....make a profile....mhmm...." In a method that almost seemed rehearsed, she located an account and patted Bro on the back. "Ok loverfish, let's see if you can handle this! Check out her profile!"  
 _  
Name: G'L Peixes  
Age: Old enough ;)  
Gender: The girl of your dreams  
Dimensions: You can't comprehend just how cute my form is  
Occupation: Emissary, single lusus of one, freelance writer  
Interested in: A mate who can really /handle/ me. Many of tried, all have failed. _

Bro remained as neutral as ever upon scanning the profile. "No pics on here. Who says this isn't an account I made, got high, and forgot about. Shit I don't think I could handle Bro Thaddeius Strider."

"Oh, so you're too afraid of my lusus?" Feferi said. "Well alright then. Guess you can go back to browsing ugly ladies then! Come on Kanaya!"

"Hey, hold your socially retarded ass up a second. I'm doing some head science. Lesse. You're a chunky, awkward, fish. And we all know hot chicks have ugly fucked up kids cause all they do is party and set the little fucker down in front of Troll Ophrah while they go gnash pelvises into buckets and shit..." He examined Feferi's head and nodded. "Alright so then she's gotta be pretty glubbing hot. Tell you little products of parental neglect what, watch this video. It's a human passtime called """"""The hate crime""""""" and it's hip or whatever you trolls do (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYWkdw_Reh0&NR=1). I gotta get my sexin bowtie on. Go set up a date with this lady. I'm gonna make her a """""""""star""""""" With that, Bro grabbed his bow tie and his "formal" Smuppet.

 **  
**

  
**CHAPAPATER TWO: OH NOOO or BRO NOOOOOO**   


  
Death stood before the restaurant holding in one hand the guest list, and in the other, Scrabble. "Greetings wayfaring soul. Have you arrived to dine or have you arrived to perhaps play a game with me?" The bag of bones said motioning to the game expectantly. Bro slapped the spook with his lacy magistrate's glove and let out a princely "HURUMPH" as he and his civil war era boots tap-tap-tapped their way into the dining area. Bro looked around and noticed the empty tables. He heard a noise coming from his left and immediately affixed his codpiece to its proper area. He shook his head upon realizing it was just Feferi and the Lipstick Lesbian troll beating the shit out of each other while yelling "Pills" at one another. They seemed to be having fun.

"Uh...Mr...um...er....Dave's lusus....your uh...date is on the uh...outer balcony..." Tavros Shitram said pointing cautiously to the stairs. "She uh....told me to er..tell you."

Bro kicked the little bastard down and skipped merrily to the staircase leading to the balcony. Clearly, if this broad had enough DeadDollars to afford the big event of this foodhole, she must be the right kind of girl for him...a rich slut. As he started on the stairs, Feferi ran past him leaving a steam of her blood and she vanished into the dining areas. Bro slowly stepped inside soon after and saw the trail of tyrian pink heading under the table. Clingy fucking kids always trying to listen in on their whore moms and their whore dates.

"Yeah so I heard there was a whole lotta woman here or something." The human said adjusting his cavat. He sat his formal smuppet on the table and crossed his arms. "Don't be shy gurl. I can handle anything. I fit sixty of those plush fuckers in my throat once." He pointed to the plush on the table but received nothing in response. Was this bitch standing him up? Oh hell naw. "Alright you made your bed and shit." Bro said adjusting his codpiece. "I'm outie 5000." He turned his nose up, closed his eyes, and walked out. Before he could leave properly however, he felt something snap near his butt. Oh so she was feisty or as much of an autistic wreck as her kid and hid and shit. Whatever, he could work with it.

There was suddenly a slithering noise followed by some movement. Bro Strider, being the pro he was at this sort of thing played along and didn't turn around.

"Oh hey there good looking. glub." A voice said. It sounded like one of those stereotypical Wisconsin Mom tones which when translated into "Slut" came out as a "Desperate Broad" tone. "Leaving so soon? We just met~"

Bro slowly spun around, Bowie Style, and went to face this fine piece of cod. Spawn logic was always rights. Ugly kid? Hot mom. Hot voice. Tons of cash. Probably looking for her claim to fame to tell all the other skanky lusus at their bookclub meeting about. "Maybe I'll stick around for a little while. Been looking for a girl to turn into the next postergirl for smu---" A fountain of blood spewed from every hole on Bro's body. His shads cracked and his hat caught on fire.

That shit usually happens when you gaze at a Horrorterror head on, yanno.

"Oh let me get that for you, hot stuff." Ms. Peixes said tapping out the fire with one of her horrendous tentacles. She then wrapped Bro up and sat him in a chair and offered him some of the whale she had been violently consuming in the name of her dark lust for flesh. "Feferi told me a lot about you, oh yes she did! My little precious starfish says you're quite the lady's man, is this true?" She then put a tentacle near one of her many maws and let out a giggle and blushed as well as a formless abomination can.

".............................the fuck."

The lusus laughed and ripped off the whale's tail and consumed it in a spray of gore. "What a way with words~ I'm so glad you found my profile. You know it's just soooo hard to find nice men when you're dead and you're raising your dead little girl...I haven't been out for a swim for a while, could you tell? I hope it's not too bad! I've been at this a while..."

Bro felt his face with his hands as if he had just returned to his ghostly form from another plane of being. "Holy shit. Fucking flagella everywhere..." He looked to his smuppet and threw it at the beast in order to test the theory that had just popped into his head. Upon receiving the horrendous doll, as planned, the tentacles wrapped around it.

"Oh is this for me? You're so kind, what a nice gentleman~" The gigaton of tentacles, eyes, maws, and various beaks crooned.

"Blah blah yeah fantastic guy. Say listen squid, you wanna be a star? It's you and all that shit. Think you can hold like a hundred of those at once? Shit of course you can you're like the whole of fucking Japan's wet dreams only real." Bro adjusted his bloody shades and grabbed one of the tentacles like a gentleman taking his bimbo out for a stroll. "Right this way lady. Lemme give you the script for "Slither Smuppets" and see if you have what it takes."

"Of course. Oh my~" The abomination roared. "I'll just leave little Feferi with her little friend. What could go wrong? Oh my...I'm so EXCITED!"

And so they left...

 **  
**

  
**CHIPIPTER TRES: MAS FEA QUE SU MADRE or BROMOSAPIEN MONTAGE**   


  
The "Film" as it was referred to since that day was a promo shot for the revived Smuppets website. In order to cater to a larger number of foreign viewers who had mysteriously appeared. The "Film" was sold in clips, sixteen thirty second chunks to be exact, for the brodacious price of 50.00 a pop. Feferi's lusus felt she had someone to connect to and while Bro could not get within six feet of her without bleeding out of his ears, he had grown fond of her (tentacles) and the wealth (in dollars) she was bringing in with her slithering assets. Indeed, it was """"""""""love""""""" at first glub.

For the next unknown span of time, Gl'Bgolyb began to move on with themselves. The two often frequented the only restaurant in all of the after life. They would always dine on whale....and by they I certainly mean the Horrorterror seeing as Bro would often vomit black ichor and pass out. Many photos commemorated their exploits such as their matching pink ascots while visiting the amusement park together, their time posing with the only band in the great beyond, Tavros and His Legs (feat. MC Crabdad), and their adventure fishing together under the stars topped off with Trollight: Breaking Dawn afterwards. Truly, all was well...then things began to go down the tubes.

"Now this is very important. I don't know how to explain this to you other than a "phase" but Feferi is a good girl, so I would like you to meet her since we're quickly becoming tanglebuddies of the soul." Gl'Bgolyb said with her tentacle wrapped around the knob to Feferi's domain. "She needs to know you are a strong male lusus and are there to support and discipline her."

Bro cleaned the clots from his ear and just shrugged. "You know I met her like four times once. But whatever. We got to shoot in a couple of hours anyway so I can feed your pet fish or whatever. Just open up that door. I'll fix it. I'm excellent with pets."

Inside the Hive Bro stood across from Feferi and her friend Kanaya. Both were dressed in biker clothing and were smoking violently. A chainsaw whirred past his head, but being the stalwart (or simply aloof) man he was, the Strider did not flinch.

"Stupid ass." Maryam said. "Fucking dressing like a tool."

"Yeah shit. Trying to roll all up ins with our gang." Feferi added breaking a priceless vase in half with her bare hands. "Time to get schoolfed dipshit. We don't listen to our lusus, we stay out late, we eat with our hands, we fart where we want, and we fucking hate prisses."

The human remained emotionless. He simply stared back at them and refrained from moving.

"I think he's fucking deaf." Kanaya said. "We're the two most badass trolls alive or dead. We fucking smoke all the time and write offensive poetry. Check out my latest work you stupid:  
 _  
Authority Is Truly Shit  
I Really Fucking Hate It  
My Lusus Doesn't Get Me  
She's A Stupid Virgin See"_

Truly horrible stuff. Bro, responsible for Gl'Bgolyb taking a much laxer stance on the young princess due to her devoting a lot of her time to dating, was unaware of the damage he caused nor did he care. He'd fix these shits. He was in a tricycle gang at age nine. He knew just how to fix these types. With Feferi out of the way, he could get more of those vids shot, cut, and uploaded. And that lady could like...take him to all the expensive places ever.

"Ok you burly fucking fishspawn and chastity belt toting leg hair wearing broad, let me tell you a story that'll clean your shit up like a two dollar sponge and you can go back to being clingy leeches in no time. You ever heard the story of the Fish Biker and the Diker Biker? It's like..."

And so it began. Though Feferi had grown up before a Horrorterror her whole life, nothing was as gory, tasteless, or scary as this story.

"....and so every time she would cough she would crap her pants with her own snot. Questions?"

Ultimately, Bro's plan was twofold. First and foremost, due to a unique psychological disorder, the man in question would receive a rush of endorphins every time a fish cried, and the purpose of this tale was to get the sweet fish tears he so longed for. Secondly, he hoped this action would rid him of his "wench" who had overstepped her boundaries from number one camwhore to official leech. Now, it wasn't that Bro could deny hot beak makeouts (make outs simply being him bleeding from his ears passionately), it was simply that he enjoyed it if he could take a ghostly leak without someone knocking on the door saying "Are you leaving me?" every four seconds.

Upon leaving the two very confused (and now very ill) trolls behind, bro did his pimply "h8rs gonna h8" walk outside and informed the lusus that he "broke the two autistic things" and followed it up by saying "yeah i am so hurt that you are breaking up with me" before shedding a few crocodile tears from the sorrow fluid sacs in his shades. However, before he could make his way back to his domain, a tentacle slowly rubbed the side of his face. It took off a good layer of skin and was as cold as the depths of hell.

"Oh baby, don't say such terrible things~" Gl'Bgolyb said in a low voice. "I think you're doing a great job with Feferi...and I think I want to pay you back. Forever."

Bro shook his head and held three plastic cards between his fingers. "I already have your credit cards. No spending limit means you'll be paying me forever, don't worry about it. I do this all the time. And if you mean something else, then I'm a devout Mormon so nice try."

The horrendous formless beast shook her head and put a tentacle down one of her many beaks. She fished around for a good while. The gurgling and sloshing of god knows what boomed throughout the whole of the afterlife. Eventually she pulled something out. It was circular in shape and smelled of rotting fish and Sears. Troll Sears. Fucking Troll Sears.

"Oh no babehbeh gurl it's uh. Alright and shit. Last time you touched me I threw up blood and the contents of my stomach so I'm stuffed." Bro said abjuring the tentacle. "Gotta watch my figure. Don't want to end up some fucking giant pile of tentacles and beaks." Another tentacle soon pried his hand open while the other dropped item into it. It was...a ring made of whale intestines, bone, and diamonds.

"Do you like it?" The lusus asked while breathing heavily.

"You know it's like..." Bro touched it and gave it a sniff with his nonexistent nose. Had it been there, his nose would have bent inwards and exploded in a plume of dark energy and cholesterol.

"Do you like it yes or no." The lusus said giggling like a school girl.

"Yeah I guess it's the best nipple ring probably." Bro examined is and went to pitch, but he soon found himself interrupted.

"Yes you do, or not you don't." Gl'Bgolyb said again reaching for something. The school girl analogy was no long applicable as she was now something much more excitable and bubbly...so like a can of Sprite on LSD.

"Jesus H Allah, yeah I do." Bro said rubbing his forehead. "Listen we need to talk Geegee. It's about all thi--"

A scream erupted and Bro faded into unconsciousness. Though dead, his mortal soul could not withstand the immense shrieking from the Horrorterror as she told her BFF (best furiend forever) Pounce de Leon about Bro saying the big I do. Though in all honesty, being of indeterminate origin or not, when a chick that big is joined by another chick with a high pitched voice, their combined screeching is enough to cause anyone to pass out into a hazy moment of oh god why.

 **  
**

  
**CHAPAPATER FORE: PART A(ids): WHORES**   


  
The unholy union would begin following the respective bachelor and bachelorette parties and a period of rest and preparation. Generally, in Horrorterror culture, things played out an awful lot like a human wedding, except a lamb would be sacrificed and a whale's blood would douse the bride and groom. That and they didn't do that stupid chair dance. God, fuck /that/ noise.

While Bro plotted his escape as his own party, the lucky bride to be and the female herd of lusus all gathered for their compatriot's final evening as a single female monster and her new life as a stay at home female monster.

Drinks were passed around in fine glasses, except for the lady of honor who drank her alcohol from a hollowed out elephant filled with booze. Pouncesprit, Spidermomsprite, Aradia's lusus known only as PUP (who wasnt a sprite because the bitch died), and Dragonsprite all sat in a booth (with Gl'Bgolyb sitting more /around/ the booth) doing all sorts of drunk whorey shit. Feferi, Kanaya, and the Virginmothersprite all sat around a small undignified Wiggler Table. Because. Well. Two were kids and one was a virgin.

"Ok ok ok, my turn give me the phone." The nasally Jewgish voice of Spidermom cut through the air. Pounce handed over a GHOSTOPHONE from her second mouth and drank her hardcore GHOSTINI from her bowl. "Shut up, shut up, it's ringing!" The main group quieted down to a few single quite giggles.

"Um, ladies..." Virginmothersprite began. "I do not think it is very wise to be consuming alcohol and calling our other friends with the intention of pranking them. I suggest we all go to a safer location and participate in some boardgames."

"Board games more like...." Dragonsprite stared at the shot glass in front of her and mumbled something incoherent. "Board games more like.....you're a stupid virgin!"

The gaggled laughed and the lususprite sighed and slouched over. Kanaya petted her and then turned her attention to Feferi who looked blitzed. In all reality she had just had some juice and had imagined herself drunk because all of her responsible adult rolemodels were.

All attention turned back to the Jewg with the phone. She cleared her throat and held her nose for that extra nasally effect. "Yes Vantas it is me your darling crabcake I am dead too and I wanted to know that our divorce was all a misunderstanding and...and....bahahahahahahahaha do you even hear this goy? He's crying!" She hung it up and howls of laughter escaped the gaggle.

"BARK BARK BARK." Said Pup.

"Pup!!!!!!" Gl'Bgolyb said. "i think YOU are drank."

"no YOU drunk!" Pounce slurred. "im so drunk that. meow. hold on gif me the phone." she grabbed it with her mouth and slapped at the numbers while purring contently. It rang.

"Nya, hello?" It was Nepeta who was one of those stupid pawtistic fools who used Troll Skype instead of a phone. It made teamspeak so easy on all of her furry MMOs.

"nepeta guess shwat." Pounce said.

"POUNCE?! POUNCE?!" The littlest fur was ecstatic. She then went silent and seemed to be sobbing happily away from the microphoen.

"i cnant h33r you. whatssits the matter CAT got your tongue well YOU better go catch it." she then hung up and everyone began to laugh hysterically once more. Stupid, stupid Nepeta. Stop being the unfavorite.

The boozing would eventually devolve into snorting lines of ground up Grub and passing out in the middle of the street.

Mean while however, Bro, drowning his sorrows in Broalcohol,was concocting a plan.

  


  
**CHAPAPATER FORE: PART B(ro): WHORE**   


  
Bro sat over his light drinking for the evening. Bleach, scotch, and the blood of Christ (literally?). It wasn't that he didn't have the heart to tell tons of fun no, it was that it was physically impossible for him to stay around her long enough without his spectral form leaking blood all over the fucking carpet. Plus if she got pissed, what if she did the unthinkable............and asked for the parts of the profits that were rightfully hers? Damn. Damn. DAMN.

This "bachelor" party was a joke. Several lusus sat around shooting the shit but ultimately drowning their sorrows in The Stuff. One of them, the big crab looking motherfucker, was weeping and crying about some other crablooking motherfucker and how some jewsounding motherfucker just pranked his motherfucking crab looking ass. Some big gay seahorse had been consoling him but the steed had made its way over to Bro.

"So you taken it for a spin." Skyhoresprite neighed.

"The fuck?"

"You taken it for a spin." The rad fucking steed said. "Was more to look at sweeps back. Oh well. You fuckin humans are pretty disgustin. Cellulite on your tentacles or not, you don't care."

Bro slammed his fist into the table and flipped the horse a DOUBLE BIRD and said that it was all business and that fat girls were more to love. Of course he was drunk because he knew deep down that wasn't true. He drank some more Christly Bleach and put some up his nose to punish himself for such a lewd thought. Being a ghost had made him horrible.

"Uh erm...that was really loud." Tavros said drinking some milk. What a faggot.

"Whatever. You know what's gonna be loud? Cal's tears when he finds out I'm being forced to give my eternal slavery--I mean love---I mean slavery to some sushi orgy instead of him. Once I walk and or swim and or get dragged down the aisle and or path of guts mashed into a vague path, it's game over. I already raised on daughter, I don't think I can handle a little merboy either. I'm not that kind of mother you know."

"N-no." Tavros said. "I uh...um...don't know. But at least you uh....erm...have someone? People like uh....my erm...uh uh uh uh uh uh." He began to stutter at Bro's majesty. The Broal then slapped him facewise and fixed the littlest most crippledest broken record. "Uh uh uh....erm...people like Kanaya. She's uh...always alone and um doesn't want to be."

Bro shrugged. "Listen Sollux, can I call you Karkles for short? I know /you people/ are all about buckets, but I could give less than like twelve shits about---" Then it dawned on him. The ultimate plan. "Time out. Hey Vrika or whatever, Kanaya is the dyke one right?"

"What is um...a dyke?" Tavros said drinking his milk in a very frightened manner. Bro then showed him pictures he kept. The very same ones he had used to teach Dave all about the Birds, the Bees, the Dykes, and the Blacks.

"Oh uh...erm....y-yeah." Tavros said. "That would sound like uh...Kanaya."

Bro then removed his glasses, shirt, and hat, to reveal another hat, another shirt, and another pair of shades beneath the ones already there. "Say, I'll make you a man if you go find that smug little guy-thing and when it goes to take its little quiet smug naps, you slip this shit on."

  
**EPILOGUE**   


  
The music played. On the left side, a mixture of lusus and and horrorterrors. On the right side of the aisle. Just Cal. Just. Fucking. Cal. Even though most Horrorterrors could rend star systems asunder with wayward farts, that fucking puppet was enough to drive them to the brink of insanity. Seriously, who would even forge a being such as that?

Regardless, both sides stood up as Feferi bawled as her horrible mother's tentacle slithered down the aisle. Locked arm-in-tentacle with it was Bro. Shades, popped collar, hat, red dress, lipstick, fangs....yep! Bro it was indeed! He appeared motionless and unaware of the situation he was in, but then again, most mortal souls who had not grown up with the loving embrace of a horrible tentacled monster often did that sort of thing.

Pounce, who was nursing a hangover, stood before the procession. "Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to murry Gl'Bgolyb Rgl'ymthotep Peixes and Bro David Bowie Sanchez Jillhanson Jeffery Dahmer Manson Christ Charmander Strider XXIV. Miss Peixes, do you accept Bro to be your lawfurry wedded tanglebuddy?"

There was a long pause.

"I do."

"And do you Brom take Gl'Bgolyb to be your lawfurry wedded tanglebuddy."

"Huh What Where Am I Was Jus---"

"Do you, or do you not?" Pounce asked again knowing the poor Bro was likely tongue tied at the beauty of his bride.

"Yes No I Mean Yes As In What Did You Say Not Yes As I---"

"You may now tanglebuddy the bride!"

Some hours later, Bro looked on with his arms crossed. "If you love something, you must truly set it free." He said as he picked the petals off of a rose.

"Yes, but if you are paid for a job, you must go through with it." Feferi said arriving moments later. "And Mister Strider, you have done well. Our plan to make Kanaya marry Gl'Bgolyb went through without a hitch. I must admire your commitment."

"I gotta ask kid. Why'd you do it?" Bro said crushing the rose angrily.

"Simple Mister Strider. Up until a small bit of time ago, I was the prettiest girl here. Then Kanaya came thus making me, once again, the fattest girl. Now, with her in a relationship with my lusus, her value will depreciate tenfold, thus putting me back on top."

"Whatever kid. Now, where's my payment?" Bro said fighting back the queer tears for his lost lusus.

"Your copy of Troll Cher in Troll Sonny and Troll Cher: The Movie has been delivered to your region of the afterlife as promised. Now. Have a good day Mister Strider. I may have use of your services once Nepeta, Vriska, or Terezi arrive."

"......."

"Glub."

"Yeah....glub..."


End file.
